Tonight on Gaydos After Dark, a happy conclusion to the saga regarding which restroom the transgendered should use. Therefore, we bring you “The Top 7 Signs You Are In a Unisex Bathroom”!

You heard right, people of Phoenix and it’s a Gaydos After Dark exclusive! Transsexual Michele de LaFreniere and club owner Tom Anderson have kissed and made up, so to speak! These two butted heads in the past when female guests of Anderson’s club complained of Michele’s other transgendered friends using the ladies’ room. Now, they’ve put their differences behind them! Michele is welcome to come back to Anderson’s Fifth Estate. Anderson added a single-stall, unisex bathroom to the club. Everyone’s happy! In all modesty, after our earlier conversations with these two on Gaydos After Dark, I must say I feel responsible for engineering this reconciliation! Share the love during our first hour!

For much of the 8 o’clock hour, we discuss the case of the Nebraska teacher who had an affair with her young student and then ended up driving him home to Mexico! Attorney James Davis claims the teacher is the victim here! He says the kid may be older than thirteen and that he seduced her! He says this may even be a ploy by the kid’s family for citizenship!

But let’s make sure our priorities are straight! As we discuss this teacher-student tryst, a call comes in that takes precedence over this and all other possible topics. That call was from a female listener who claimed she had e-mailed Gaydos sexy photos…possibly photos of herself in a state of undress! What to do, what to do?! Gaydos Peeps, I know you will tell me what to do! This, incidentally, is why Gaydos came to the FM dial!

At 9:30, KTAR news anchor Hannah Scott joins Gaydos for a lively discussion of recent events, including Borat’s endorsement of Barack Obama, Georgia’s prayers for rain, and the O.J. Report!

 

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Something called Hannah Montana is appearing in Phoenix tonight to great fanfare! We’ll learn more about it during “The Top 7 Surprises at the Hannah Montana Show.”

During our first hour, I see it all around me–my poor schmuck married friends are miserable! That’s why Gaydos stays the heck away from marriage and kids! That’s why Gaydos lives the good life! That’s why Gaydos asks the question, would you married people take a do-over and be single and child-free again if you could?

At 8 p.m., we talk more about the Hannah Montana phenomenon. Apparently, she’s huge with 9-year-old girls, but Gaydos needs his peeps to give him the 4-1-1 on this kid pop star.

It’s Friday night, so of course we bring you “Up to 20,” which gives you 20 uninterrupted seconds to tell Gaydos what’s on your mind!

At 9, it’s actually happening. Kids are being suspended for hugging it out at school! What’s wrong with a little hug? Even Team Gaydos can use a little group hug once in a while, but some school officials think it can only lead to trouble!

In the last half hour, it’s the newest position in Major League Baseball: the Replay Judge! There’s talk of instant replay coming to baseball and I don’t like it! The worst thing you could do is make the game slower! Not to mention the fact that we’d miss heckling the umps!

Rounding out our Friday night show is an appalling story about how racism is alive and well at a company in Georgia.  A hint to these idiots: “white only” bathrooms aren’t the accepted thing these days!

7 to 10, 7 to 10, 7 to 10–that’s how I roll!

 

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There’s yet another reason to forget about T.V. and spend your primetime hours listening to Gaydos After Dark! Tonight we bring you the “Top 7 Signs the Hollywood Writers Are On Strike!”

We devote the 7 and 8 o’clock hours to an examination of newly released 9-1-1 calls made by Ashly Duchene when she found her infant son dead in the back seat of a hot car. I’m wondering how this audio will affect your opinion regarding this tragedy. Personally, I would have expected her to sound a lot more hysterical…a lot less coherent. To say the least, I find her call troubling. A few callers to tonight’s show say they have some insight into Duchene’s situation and one tells us that he was close to a similar horrible accident.

At 9 o’clock, Gaydos is happy to say, the D-Backs are going to have to forfeit their 2001 World Series Championship to its rightful owners, my New York Yankees! Turns out D-Backs then 3rd baseman Matt Williams was a juicer! A Cheater! I bet Schilling was enhancing himself too! Diamondbacks, we can do this the easy way! Just hand the title over to Gaydos and I will deliver it safely home to the mean streets of New York!

 

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It’s official! We are one year away from the next presidential election! Tonight’s Top 7 at 7 reveals “The Top 7 Signs You Are Not Ready to Run for President in a Year!”

Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, John Edwards…all are candidates Gaydos will never, ever vote for! As I add to that list, I’m well on my way to deciding who I will vote for. During the first hour, we run through the Gaydos Presidential Process of Elimination!

Tragically, a child was mauled to death by a pitbull today. As you’ll hear at 8 o’clock, I think we could solve this problem if we took all the pitbulls and gave them the goodnight needle. These dogs are evil! What’s that you say? The people who train them to be this way are the evil ones? Well we can’t kill them, so it’s gotta be the dogs!

At 9 o’clock, remember the teacher who fell in love with her 13-year-old illegal alien student and took off for Mexico with him? Well, here’s an observation from the masterful mind of Gaydos: this teacher effectively deported an illegal! Maybe this is how we win the war on illegal immigration! We pair each teacher with an illegal and have her drive him home to Mexico! Are you with me, Peeps?

At 9:30, we talk about the coming election year with Sam Donaldson. That’s followed at 9:50 by a look at the big news of the day, the fact that Senator John McCain is clueless about the Employer Sanctions Bill!

7 to 10, 7 to 10, 7 to 10, that’s how I roll!

 

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Don Imus is finally headed back to work after being fired from his syndicated radio show for remarks he made about the Rutgers women’s basketball team. Will he be the same old Imus? We find out on the Gaydos Top 7 at 7!

Following the Top 7, we find that ASU students are replacing booze and sex with a new habit: prayer! A campus Christian group plans to pray, in shifts, around the clock for twenty-one days. Gaydos has to ask, what’s going on with our youth? Isn’t college a time for experimentation? For fun? In short, for sin?! Also, why did they have to send out a press release about this? Have your prayer party already, but don’t preach to me about your religion!

At 8 o’clock, we hear about Duane Chapman, a.k.a. Dog the Bounty Hunter. He was caught on tape, in conversation with his son, using racial slurs; using them, in fact, repeatedly! Chapman was telling his kid that he had to dump his African American girlfriend if he wanted to stay in the bounty hunter business! A&E, the network on which Dog the Bounty Hunter airs, has suspended taping of the show for now. What a racist! Should he lose his show for these remarks? Personally, I hope he does!

9 p.m. is the final hour and deals with Fred Phelps and his infamous Westboro Baptist Church. This congregation has picketed dozens of soldiers’ funerals, spreading their warped message that God takes our fighting men and women in retaliation for U.S. tolerance of homosexuality. Albert Snyder sued the group after they demonstrated at the funeral of his son Matthew, and guess what? Snyder won! This should lend strength to other families who have had their time of grief invaded by these fundamentalist crazies! Maybe Snyder should use the 11 million to help bring this group down!

Thanks for listening to Gaydos After Dark!

 

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