Hillary appeared on The O’Reilly Factor tonight! I bet you’re wondering if they made a love connection, so we’ll bring you “The Top 7 Surprise Questions in Bill O’Reilly’s Interview with Hillary Clinton”!

At 7 o’clock, we’re discussing dashed hopes, broken dreams—in short, we’re discussing the Phoenix Suns! I hate to say it, but, Shaq’s got nothing for us and Nash can’t perform in the playoffs! Their post season outing against the Spurs has been absolutely embarrassing to watch! The way I see it, our only choice is to throw all of our support behind a team that can pull it out in the end! I say, “Go, Mercury!!!”

Obama held a press conference yesterday in a continuing effort to keep Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s comments from destroying his bid for the presidency! I’ve got some radical theories on the Obama/Wright relationship as it stands today. Stick around for those at 8!

At 9 o’clock, we’ve got the “Rated R Issue of the Night”! For his 40th birthday, one man’s wife promised him nightly sex for an entire year! What?! Is she then going to take the next year off? Maybe she’s just doing this so she doesn’t have to lug a wide screen t.v. home for him!

Yes, Hillary Clinton sat down for some face time with Fox’s Bill O’Reilly tonight! At 9:30, I want us to listen to some of the interview and figure out if he went too easy on her! Also, was I hearing some uncouth sounds coming from O’Reilly? Oh, that’s unpleasant, to say the least!

Hey, there’s more!

Clinton’s most daunting opponent thus far? This cappuccino machine! Hillary, Hillary, Hillary! Don’t you have people to do this kind of thing for you?!

Also, our Lord and Savior is popping up all over the place! Now He’s on Monet Sledge’s ultrasound photo!

 

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The San Antonio Spurs are stomping us in the playoffs so far, but maybe the Suns can still make a comeback! We’re starting off tonight’s show with “The Top 7 Phoenix Suns Adjustments for Game 3 Against the Spurs”!

Our first topic tonight? The kids in Scranton, PA who skipped school to hang out with Barack Obama and then had the candidate write them an excuse for their absence! They’ve each received a day’s suspension, plus, each student was stripped of his position in student government! I say they got what was coming to ‘em! Student body officers or not—Barack Obama campaign appearance or not—they were supposed to be in class!

At 7:50, we’ll have a brief update on lovable O.J. Simpson! Is he going to be on The Apprentice???

At 8, it’s Gaydosnomics 101!  Gas prices are in the stratosphere and we’ve been dealing with that for a while, but now—can you believe some stores are rationing rice?  How can that happen?  This is not the third world!  Well I got in under the wire and got my rice and I’ll be putting it on Ebay immediately!

We won’t be here tomorrow night because the D-Backs are playing on 92.3.  However, I hate to go through the week without a rousing round of “Up to 20″!  Unscreened and unpredictable, the Gaydos peeps are the stars of this Gaydos After Dark tradition at 8:30!

Tomorrow is a “Day of Silence” in one Arizona school.  Some students have vowed to be silent in order to draw attention to bullying against gay and lesbian kids.  Seems counterproductive to me!  They’re not gonna learn anything with that crap going on!  The best thing that could happen here would be if the principal would put his foot down and forbid this demonstration!  We’ll talk about this at 9 o’clock!

At 9:30, it’s Red V. Blue Thursday and we’ve got Presidential Match Game!  Tonight’s panelists are Hanna Scott and myself!  Hanna, of course, has never matched a contestant’s answer, so I wish tonight’s players luck.  They’re going to need it!

Before we wrap up tonight’s show, I have to bring up the new study, published in Maxim, that says people in the U.S. aren’t getting jiggy with it very often at all!  Shame on you, America!  Shame!

 

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Hill’s gotta win the Pennsylvania primary or she’s done! Tonight, we’re bringing you “The Top 7 Signs Hillary Clinton is Desperate”!

A Columbine-like tragedy was narrowly averted in South Carolina today as police arrested the student who planned it! At 7, we’ll learn that the boy’s parents turned him in at the last minute and thank goodness for that! But, oh boy, was that a close call! They should have been on top of their kid’s crazy ideas long before this!

At 7:50, we’ll hear Bill Maher’s apology for upsetting Catholics with comments about the Pope! You probably know, I’m no fan of this Pope, but I loved what Maher had to say!

At 8, we talk to Tommy Lasorda, the legendary former manager of the L.A. Dodgers! What I really want to know is—could I?—might I?—can I get Lasorda to curse me out?

Danica Patrick finally has a pro auto racing victory under her belt, but she broke down and cried in the winner’s circle! We’ll play the audio for you at 8:20, but sheesh!! Danica, you can’t do that, honey! If you want to run with the guys, you’ve gotta take the emotional moments like a man!

At 8:30, KTAR listeners are seeing strange lights in the Phoenix skies once again! I won’t lie to you; it makes me quake in my boots! We’ll hear from the peeps and we’ll also get eyewitness reports from KTAR’s Bob McClay and Jana Baybado! Maybe I should make sure the bunker’s stocked up with canned food!

The candidates were laying the smack down tonight as they appeared on the WWE! Eh, some of it was funny, but Hillary still isn’t getting the laughs! She just doesn’t have it in her. We talk about it at 8:50.

At 9, who is threatening the life of our president now? Sheiks? Imams? No! An 8-year-old kid in an online video. Oh, you’re not going to believe what comes out of this kid’s mouth!

Sam Donaldson is the crown jewel of the Gaydos After Dark political team and he’s with us at 9:30 to talk about Hillary’s coming last stand and Obama’s predictions about Pennsylvania. The seasoned ABC news man talks the vote with us every Monday night!

How about this? Just when you thought you could relax and unfasten your safety belt, it’s lightning on a plane!!! Take a look!

 

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The post season will have Phoenix meeting the San Antonio Spurs again this year! Bet that’ll be awkward! Tonight, we’ve got “The Top 7 Signs the Suns Are Not Ready for the Playoffs”!

In our 7 o’clock hour, there’s more on Pope Benny’s visit to the U.S.!  Armed with apologies and soothing words, he met with a handful of Church sexual abuse victims in Washington!  They talked for a whole twenty minutes!  Nice photo op, Pope-ster, but it’s too little too late!

How do you think the Pope feels about illegal immigration in the U.S.?  I’ll tell you how!  He’s all for it!  More Latinos—legal or not!—means more converts to Catholicism—and that means, more money for the Catholic Church!  We’ll touch on that after 7:30!

We talk to Cliff Schecter at 8 o’clock!  He’s the author of The Real McCain, which alleges that McCain is a power-hungry man of rage and vengeance!  We’ll ask Cliff what kind of man John McCain really is!  He’ll also give us the inside dirt on the candidate lashing out at his wife with some incredibly ugly words!

We’ll also bring you the “Rated R Issue of the Night”!  One Yale art student is—I cannot believe I’m saying this!—she is artificially inseminating herself repeatedly!  Yes!  And that’s not all!  She’s then—again, unbelievably—taking drugs to induce miscarriage!  How is this art?!  The weirdness doesn’t end there.  Be with us after 9 for this strange, strange story!

At 9:30, don’t miss our red hot Red V. Blue Thursday action!  One Republican and one Democrat try to match answers with B. Nicks, Hanna Scott and Jarrett Carlen!

Dick Cheney went on stage at a White House media gathering and banged out a whole stand-up comedy routine!  One that was 100%, entirely unfunny!  And with that, we wrap up another fantastic Gaydos After Dark!

 

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Pope Benedict XVI just got even older, so we’re bringing you “The Top 7 Surprises at the Pope’s Birthday Bash”!

Pope Benny is visiting the U.S. and people are coming out of the woodwork to kiss his ring and his pious butt! I am emphatically against honoring this guy, and not just because he was a member of the Hitler Youth! Among the people who helped hide sex abuse by priests, this guy was a ring leader! Everybody knows I’m not a regular at mass these days, but it still makes me crazy that they would elect this guy to lead the Church after he helped protect child molesters!

At 8, we talk the vote and bring you highlights from tonight’s Democratic debate! With the race for the party’s nomination getting down to the wire, it matters more than ever who wins tonight!

Mayor Phil Gordon used his State of the City address to slam Sheriff Joe! He said Arpaio is setting Maricopa County up as a sanctuary for vicious criminals! Ha! Great line, Mayor! Unfortunately, you’re wrong and hurling this kind of crap at the sheriff right now isn’t going to help you! We’ll talk about this at 8:30!

After 9:30, I’ll give you my take on the polygamist freak show unfolding as women from a raided compound in Texas claim that their lives are full of love and God’s light! I can’t tell you how creepy this all sounds! They’ve got to be brainwashed!

We end tonight’s show with who The Boss is picking for president, as well as who’s not voting for McCain!

It’s great to have Gaydos on the program, but wait, there’s more!! I can’t believe this video! Nancy Grace shows us some skanky, dope-addled adults making a little kid smoke pot! I am disgusted!

 

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