Starting off tonight’s show, Texas courts are sending a bunch of helpless kids back into a polygamist sect where brainwashing and sexual abuse await them! Dumb, dumb, dumb! It could have been avoided! The courts should have treated the whole group as one big, dysfunctional, creepy family!
For cryin’ out loud, I’ve been roped into seeing tonight’s midnight showing of Sex and the City! I made a deal with my illegal alien girlfriend and now I don’t know how to get out of it! Guys don’t go to this movie! How humiliating! It’s our 8 o’clock topic!
After 8:30, former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan tells The Today Show that his scathing new book is all about sending an important message! To make the world a better place! Oh, I know; McClellan’s just a good citizen trying to do a solid for humanity! Bull crap!!!
Senator Larry Craig also has a book coming out! We’ll touch on that before 9!
There’s now another insane clergyman in the spotlight because of what he has to say about Barack Obama! Father Michael Pfleger says Hillary Clinton is beside herself because she thinks she’s entitled to the presidency and can’t believe a black man might stand in her way! If I were Obama, I would run far, far away from any and all religious figures who might invoke my name. Whether they’re for him, or against him, they seem to do nothing but hurt the guy! This topic starts off our third hour!
At 9:30, we’ll welcome back So-Young Chung and cheer her on, Gaydos style, as she prepares for the Scripps National Spelling Bee! I think you’ll agree, this plucky kid is going to take no prisoners! She’ll go to D.C., she’ll get in there, and she’ll win one for the Gaydos!
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