Oh, it’s the fifth of May and I’m celebrating with my hot, juicy, sexy illegal alien girlfriend right after the show! It’s too bad everyone can’t have the great time Gaydos is looking forward to, so we’ll bring you “The Top 7 Signs You’ve Had a Bad Cinco de Mayo”!

During our first hour, honk if these gas prices are killing you! Both McCain and Clinton are calling for a long holiday from gas taxes this summer, but before you start salivating over that, consider this. Barack Obama tells us that a measure like that will only save you about thirty dollars over the whole summer! We’ll discuss this in another session of Gaydosnomics 101 as we brace for the price at the pump to get even higher!

One human rights group is celebrating Cinco de Mayo by beating up on a piñata that looks like Sheriff Joe Arpaio! They say it’s a demonstration against hate, but—well—correct me if I’m wrong, but this sounds like a pretty hateful display! Sandra Haros will report from the scene at 8 o’clock and we’ll consider what might happen if—say—someone demonstrated against illegal immigration using a piñata that looked like an illegal alien!

Our “Rated R Issue of the Night” rears its ugly head at 9 o’clock! The scandal at hand centers around an openly gay male high school student who has been nominated for Prom Queen! School officials are not down with this!

Sam Donaldson is the crown jewel of the Gaydos After Dark political team and he joins me at 9:30! We’re set for another big day of primary coverage tomorrow and we’ll ask Sam, is the Obama/Clinton battle coming down to its final skirmish?

 

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These worshipers in India are throwing babies from a height of fifty feet! It’s true! Click the image to see for yourself!

Tonight on Gaydos After Dark, Barbara Walters, a shameless hussy? She admits that she once had an affair with a married U.S. senator! We begin tonight’s show with “The Top 7 Other Surprises in Barbara Walters’ New Book”!

During our first hour, I’ve checked my calendar and can now confirm, it’s May first! So where, oh where, is this year’s “Million Immigrant March”?! As much as I love not having traffic blocked all over Phoenix, this has me wondering what dissuaded all but four protesters from showing their faces today. Maybe this is a result of Sheriff Joe’s continuing round-ups of illegals—or maybe it’s just that demonstrators have figured out that these marches are no way to get results! At 7:45, we’ll hear from Elias Bermudez of Immigrants Without Borders! Maybe he can shed some light on the subject!

I have to tell you the story of a softball player who hit one out of the park and then tore a major ligament as she was rounding the bases, so she couldn’t continue her run for home! Game over, ladies and gentlemen? I guess not, because members of the opposing team got permission from their coach to carry her around the bases! What an insult to the drive and effort of competition! This is our 8 o’clock topic and I say, winning is everything! Take advantage of the situation and win, people!

Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon just can’t continue making this city a sanctuary for illegals! At 9, we’ll discuss a push to have his election recalled!

Then, it’s more of Hillary V. O’Reilly! Find out exactly what Hillary’s going to do about sanctuary cities!

It wouldn’t be Red V. Blue Thursday without Presidential Match Game! That’s what we’re doing at 9:30 as we welcome back our panel of stars: B. Nicks, Hanna Scott and Jarrett Carlen!

We wrap things up with another “John McCain Senior Moment”! Cindy McCain talked to Jay Leno last night. We’ll hear her recall that fateful day (about ninety years ago!) when she met her man! Plus, she’ll reveal that she does most of the driving! Is it time for Grampa John to give up the keys?

 

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