As we open tonight’s show, the second leg of my summer vacation is about to fall apart right before my eyes. My family has decided—without even asking for my thoughts on the matter—to fly into Phoenix to spend my vacation with me. My downtime…is ruined. What am I going to do?

Fifteen-year-old Miley Cyrus may become a spokesperson for a condom brand. That’s our 8 o’clock topic and I wonder if a minor should be advertising condoms. Maybe she’s the right person to reach out to teens about safe sex. Hanna Scott’s a mom; we’ll find out what she thinks of this too!

At 8:30, we’re talking to Mark Manoil, chairman of the Maricopa County Democratic Party. He’s created JoesGotToGo.com, a site that questions the methods of our tough-as-nails sheriff, Joe Arpaio. I don’t have to tell you, Manoil’s not the only one with words of criticism for the sheriff. We’ll hear the latest slam from Mayor Gordon at 8:50.

I have a new cell phone for the first time in a long time and I must admit, I’m struggling to figure out how to use it. Once I have all the kinks ironed out, I’ll want to pick a great ring tone. One that just screams Gaydos! We’ll talk about it at 9 o’clock.

9:30 brings us to the big ticket to romance for married guys: housework! It’s a good thing you women out there would never abuse your power in that department. Or would you?

Last, I’m going to tell you about a kid in Florida who, without parental permission, refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. You won’t want to miss it.

It’s great to have Gaydos on the program!

 

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Responsible, smart people shouldn’t pay for the mistakes of irresponsible, stupid people—but that’s just what this mortgage bailout bill forces us to do. We’ll talk about how this ridiculous deal will go down—and how much it will cost you and me—at 7 o’clock.

Airline safety is a major concern at 7:30 after a jet landed with a gigantic hole in its fuselage today! I’ll ask aviation expert Jim Tillman if we should expect more of this as airlines hack away at their budgets.

Doesn’t Barack Obama care about U.S. soldiers recovering in a German medical facility? Obama’s camp says the Pentagon wouldn’t allow him to visit the troops. We’ll try to separate the truth from the fiction during tonight’s second hour.

You won’t want to miss the story of a dying child who hung on long enough to marry his sweetheart. We’ll tell you about his bittersweet goodbye at 8:30.

President Bush is often compared to other well-known figures but, at 9 o’clock, we’ll tell you what our president has in common with the Dark Knight!

At 9:30, it’s ten big stories in ten minutes; it’s “Gaydos on the News,” in which we’ll discover that aliens are among us and judges are starting to crack down on parents who give their kids weird names.

 

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At 7 o’clock, Gaydos is back from vacation and I think I’ve come back as a new man! After spending some quality time with my little niece Ellie, I’m rethinking the whole fatherhood thing. I don’t know if I’d want a wife, but I totally fell in love with having a kid around! Click the pic of Ellie and Uncle Gaydos to see my whole vacation slide show!

I also just had to hit Yankee Stadium one last time during my week off! Unfortunately, everything is pretty much nailed down, so I couldn’t swipe a single souvenir!

John McCain doesn’t know how to use the Internet, which makes me wonder if he’s completely out of touch with people like you and me! It’s our 7:30 topic.

Congress is springing into action and they’ll soon have us paying more—yes, I said more!!—for gasoline! They actually want to add ten cents to our fuel taxes! Good! At 8 o’clock, I hope they do it, so they can all be voted out!

Next, I could not believe what I saw on my flight home! A mom used her sleeping three-year-old as a changing table for her baby!

Starting out tonight’s final hour, would someone please memo Phil Gordon and let him know that I’m not looking forward to slot machines at Sky Harbor Airport? If the mayor puts the one-armed bandits in place, they won’t just be annoying—they’ll also make us look incredibly desperate for cash!

The world stands up and takes notice when Obama visits the Middle East but, apparently, John McCain becomes invisible when he goes to Iraq! I’ll check in with ABC news man Sam Donaldson on this seeming inconsistency after 9:30!

Last up tonight, I’ve gotta tell you, I’m hearing that the late Heath Ledger is menacing as the Joker in the new Batman movie! If he’s that bad, I may not be able to go see it! I was even terrified of the original Joker on the old t.v. series! I’m actually getting shivers just thinking about him! Bleah!

It’s great to have Gaydos back on the program!!!

 

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As we kick off tonight’s show, the votes have been cast and Mayor Phil Gordon is officially—is this really happening?—he’s officially the best mayor in North America! He could even be elected best mayor on Earth! That is, if the mayor of Tehran doesn’t beat him!

The Cheesecake Factory is the target of a sexual harassment lawsuit! The company is accused of allowing men to repeatedly inappropriately touch other men! Look, I’m not for this kind of work environment in any case, but how does a guy let this happen to him more than once? We’ll talk about this at 7:30!

Oh look! It’s Jamie Lynn Spears flaunting her teen motherhood on the cover of OK! Magazine! What a stupid message to send to young girls! “Go ahead!” says Jamie Lynn! “Get pregnant! Being a mommy is fun!” It’s our 8 o’clock topic.

At 8:30, a guy has been arrested for using a marker to change his license plate number and fool the speed cameras on the 101!

At 9 o’clock, ridiculous complaints abound! Has the scientific community been a pack of racists all along in using the term “black hole”? What about those “Men at Work” signs at construction sites? Are they sexist?

During our last half hour, we’ll talk to KTAR meteorologist Ed Phillips as the monsoon season comes in with a bang! Tonight brings torrential rains and power outages, leaving me, Gaydos, in terrifying darkness!

 

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Right out of the gate, we’ll talk to Sheriff Joe Arpaio in the wake of another attempt to connect the sheriff with Adolf Hitler! I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, he will not let it keep him from enforcing the law! We’ll also find out what immigration activist Elias Bermudez has to say about all this!

At 7:30, I can’t stand the idea of buying a new car, so I’m coughing up the money to get my current one repaired! I guess only time will tell if I’m making the right decision!

One study shows that giving kids alcoholic beverages—even at four years of age!—may keep them from binge drinking later on! They say it teaches them that alcohol can be a “normal” part of life. We’ll tell you about it at 8 o’clock!

Just after 9, we’ll talk to Sam Donaldson, the crown jewel of the Gaydos After Dark political team! I’ll have him fill us in on John Kerry badmouthing John McCain, as well as a poll showing that only nine percent of Americans approve of the job Congress is doing!

Speaking of the U.S. Congress, Nancy Pelosi is grumbling that we should dip into the Strategic Petroleum Reserve! It’s our 9:30 topic and it’s a bad idea! But, what do you expect from her?

At 9:50, Senator Ben Nelson(D) of Nebraska is pushing for us to drill for oil here at home! I couldn’t be happier! It’s not an overnight fix, but it’s a good first step!

 

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