As we kick off tonight’s show, the votes have been cast and Mayor Phil Gordon is officially—is this really happening?—he’s officially the best mayor in North America! He could even be elected best mayor on Earth! That is, if the mayor of Tehran doesn’t beat him!
The Cheesecake Factory is the target of a sexual harassment lawsuit! The company is accused of allowing men to repeatedly inappropriately touch other men! Look, I’m not for this kind of work environment in any case, but how does a guy let this happen to him more than once? We’ll talk about this at 7:30!
Oh look! It’s Jamie Lynn Spears flaunting her teen motherhood on the cover of OK! Magazine! What a stupid message to send to young girls! “Go ahead!” says Jamie Lynn! “Get pregnant! Being a mommy is fun!” It’s our 8 o’clock topic.
At 8:30, a guy has been arrested for using a marker to change his license plate number and fool the speed cameras on the 101!
At 9 o’clock, ridiculous complaints abound! Has the scientific community been a pack of racists all along in using the term “black hole”? What about those “Men at Work” signs at construction sites? Are they sexist?
During our last half hour, we’ll talk to KTAR meteorologist Ed Phillips as the monsoon season comes in with a bang! Tonight brings torrential rains and power outages, leaving me, Gaydos, in terrifying darkness!
Totally inappropriate! That’s what I think of Jesse Jackson’s whispered comments about Barack Obama! At 7 o’clock, you won’t believe what Jackson said when he thought his microphone was off!
At 7:30, it’s hard to believe, but Senator John McCain may have managed to say some even more out of line! He thinks it’s great that Iran imports lots of deadly cigarettes!
Plus, we’ll find out that, contrary to earlier reports, Mesa Police will investigate recent graffiti incidents calling Sheriff Joe a Nazi!
Iran has been testing missiles in the Straits of Hormuz and that is troubling, to say the least! Unrest between Iran, Israel and the U.S. would make today’s gas prices look like bargain basement deals! And, folks, to be honest, that would radically change every aspect of our lives! We’re talking about this frightening possibility at 8 o’clock.
Barack Obama wants your kids to learn Spanish! Is he trying to make the illegals flooding into our nation more comfortable? Nope! I think he’s just pointing to a way American kids can broaden their learning! We’ll get your thoughts on this during the 9 o’clock hour!
After 9:30, we’ll return to Jesse Jackson’s ridiculous, crude comments about Obama. The only reason I can see for this singularly nasty attack is jealousy! Jackson only wishes he could get that close to the White House!
We’ll close things out with another Democratic senator—you’ve gotta love ‘im!—who wants to see us drill for oil right here in the U.S.!
Right out of the gate, we’ll talk to Sheriff Joe Arpaio in the wake of another attempt to connect the sheriff with Adolf Hitler! I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, he will not let it keep him from enforcing the law! We’ll also find out what immigration activist Elias Bermudez has to say about all this!
At 7:30, I can’t stand the idea of buying a new car, so I’m coughing up the money to get my current one repaired! I guess only time will tell if I’m making the right decision!
One study shows that giving kids alcoholic beverages—even at four years of age!—may keep them from binge drinking later on! They say it teaches them that alcohol can be a “normal” part of life. We’ll tell you about it at 8 o’clock!
Just after 9, we’ll talk to Sam Donaldson, the crown jewel of the Gaydos After Dark political team! I’ll have him fill us in on John Kerry badmouthing John McCain, as well as a poll showing that only nine percent of Americans approve of the job Congress is doing!
Speaking of the U.S. Congress, Nancy Pelosi is grumbling that we should dip into the Strategic Petroleum Reserve! It’s our 9:30 topic and it’s a bad idea! But, what do you expect from her?
At 9:50, Senator Ben Nelson(D) of Nebraska is pushing for us to drill for oil here at home! I couldn’t be happier! It’s not an overnight fix, but it’s a good first step!
A truly horrific story starts off tonight’s Gaydos After Dark: a man comes home to find his little dog dead and mutilated! He says his family is being targeted because they are Hispanic and that this isn’t the first time!
Just before 8, when your toddler spits out foreign food, does it mean he’s a budding racist?
I certainly hope all my peeps had a better holiday weekend than I did! Starting off our second hour, I’ll tell you, my Fourth consisted of busted air conditioning, smelly hippies and brushes with death! For cryin’ out loud!!!
8:30 brings us to “Gaydos on the News” and we’ll tell you about the Running of the Bulls and new words in Webster’s Dictionary!
At 9 o’clock, there’s a twenty-year-old dude out there who’s looking for his first kiss on Craigslist! As big a loser as this guy sounds like, it’s probably not such a bad idea!
A whole family is kicked off a flight at Sky Harbor after their kids get completely out of control! Good move, but did the airline stick to its guns? It’s our 9:30 topic!
Before we wrap up the show, reports say the Internet will use up all of the available IP addresses by 2011! That means the Web won’t work anymore! Let’s hope the eggheads—er—experts can come up with a solution by then!
First up toight: if you think the slowpoke driver you got stuck behind today may have been Gaydos, all I can say is, GUILTY! AS! CHARGED! I’ve lowered my speed on the highway in order to save gas and it seems to be working! Fantastic!!! However, I certainly don’t want congress to force us to slow down! One senator is actually proposing that!
We’re discussing guns at 7:30. An armed man fired on three people in a vehicle, one of them a three-year-old girl! He thought—mistakenly!—that they had stolen his car stereo! It’s guys like this who ruin it for responsible gun owners!
People seeking a divorce in Texas may have to wait two years and take classes on resolving their problems first! At 8, we’ll conduct another “Gaydos Experiment” to find out whether it’s right for every couple. I say no.
At 8:30, it’s “Gaydos on the News,” it’s ten stories in ten minutes, including this week’s cunning hostage rescue in Colombia; plus, the future scourge of the entertainment industry, a Friends movie!
As we roll out tonight’s third hour, we’re talking to Arizona Congressman Trent Franks(R) on how—or if—the Democrats and Republicans can finish their vacations, get together and make us less reliant on foreign oil!
After 9:30, Thomas Beatie—you remember, the pregnant guy!—has given birth to a baby girl. Say what you want about this undeniably odd situation, but there is a serious issue involved here. What happens when this child finds out that her dad is really her mom?
At 7 o’clock, a mom blows off refilling her autistic son’s cancer medication, so now he’s going to die! I could call her stupid—I could call her lazy—but those terms are way too good for her! As horrible as this sounds, I think this woman wanted her boy to die so she wouldn’t have to take care of a disabled child anymore! It also seems likely that the parents’ divorce may have helped propel this kid into tragedy!
Arizonans will again get to vote on banning gay marriage! Why always the vote on banning it? Why not an affirmative vote? Why not let us vote on legalizing it? We’ll touch on this at 7:50.
Mesa’s immigration policy is a little better than ours here in Phoenix, but that’s not saying much! We’ll talk about what our neighbors to the east are doing wrong as we move into our second hour!
At 8:30, Wesley Clark says McCain’s war record doesn’t qualify him to be president! Well, no, not by itself! But, that doesn’t mean he has no qualifications!
At 9 o’clock, we speak to Major General Don Shepperd (Retired) on the possible closure of Guantanamo Bay! Where will the flood of released terrorists go then? Anywhere they want. Maybe they’ll come to Phoenix! Yeah, that won’t be good!
Gas prices continue to burn away everybody’s cash! At 9:30, we’ll hear the story of a woman who traded sex for gas!
We’ll close things out by weighing our options in the event of an emergency. Do you phone 9-1-1 or do you text? I say phone! Especially if you’re over thirty. By the time you locate the exclamation point on your keypad, it could be too late!
Anything can happen when a news person is out in the field! Check out this MSNBC reporter’s ability to duck and dodge!
Starting off tonight’s show, I can’t imagine what Mesa Police Chief George Gascon is thinking! He’s inviting mommies and daddies, grannies and granddads—come one, come all!—to join his police force and help investigate crime scenes! I’ve never heard of anything so stupid!
8 o’clock brings us to MyGallons.com, a website on which you can lock in today’s gas prices for the future! Some people ask, what’s the catch? But I’m thinking about doing it!
There’s a nut out there who got a visit from the cops for a reported domestic disturbance, but it turned out it was just the one guy, all by himself! He was doing voices! That’s just one of our ten stories in ten minutes; it’s “Gaydos on the News”!
Starting now, there are brand new rules for brand new drivers! It’s an effort to save lives, but police won’t be able to pull a person over just because they look young! We’re on this topic at 9 o’clock and I’ll also tell you about the Teen Driver Support System, a digital backseat driver to keep your youngster in line on the highway!
After 9:30, we’ll update you on the case of the autistic boy who was tossed out of church. Crazily enough, a judge has upheld the restraining order against this child! Maybe this family needs church!
We’ll talk about the Crown King wildfire during tonight’s 7 o’clock hour! Sounds like it was started by a lost hiker! This person has to be held responsible, but what other option was there?
I’m flabbergasted at the trend toward kids calling their parents things like “G-Dog” and… “Hoe-mom”? Really, Lloyd? “Hoe-mom”? What a lack of respect these kids have! It’s our 7:30 topic!
The women of the F.L.D.S. are working on a project to raise cash for the compound! No, they’re not publishing a sexy calendar! I’ll tell you what they are doing at 8:20!
Bill Clinton is still pretty miffed at Barack Obama—and John McCain must be feeling the same way about Wesley Clark after what he had to say yesterday! We’ll ask ABC newsman Sam Donaldson about these and other things at 8:30!
Remember Joe Horn, the senior citizen who shot two burglars dead when he caught them robbing his neighbor? Well, a grand jury failed to indict him today! At 9 o’clock, I still think this guy was eager to shoot somebody!
Closing out the show, gas prices are affecting the world’s oldest profession! However, it turns out, the “professionals” are pretty resourceful!
First up tonight: Sheriff Joe Arpaio is the one guy who is battling illegal immigration and it doesn’t seem to matter who he has to go up against to do it! Some people think he should be a team player with Mayor Gordon and Governor Napolitano, but I disagree! The Sheriff is doing a fine job on his own!
At 7:30, we talk the rotten economy, the terrible situation regarding gasoline and why U.S. legislators are on vacation when you and I can’t afford to take one!
Our second hour begins with the sissification of American kids! A California community is getting rid of its Little League All-Star game so nobody gets their feelings hurt!
Reports say recent home invasions in the Valley have been staged by men claiming to be members of the Mexican military! I seriously doubt it, but what is terrifying about this is the weaponry and tactics they’re using! We’ll tell you about it at 8:30!
Just before 9, Louisiana is implementing castration as a punishment for rapists! Way to think outside the box, lawmakers, but I don’t think you’ll get the results you’d like!
Look! Over in Gilbert! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a superhero who picks up dog poop! We’ll tell you all about Captain Doo at 9 o’clock! Click the photo to read up on this guy and to find a video of Captain Doo hard at work!
9:30 on a Friday night means “Gaydos on the News”! Hanna Scott helps Gaydos bring you ten stories in ten minutes, including a chick who’s selling her house and including herself in the deal!
Follow these links to find the lowest gas prices!
GasPrices.Mapquest.com
GasPriceWatch.com
FuelCostCalculator.com
AAA.com
FuelGuageReport.com
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